Day 6: I think some winter symbolism...

I grew up in Upstate New York.  I remember sledding, snowman building, ice skating, and the cold.  I wasn't a big fan, especially as I grew up and had to scrape snow off of my windshield in cold that would burn my lungs when I breathed.  The cold and gray were two of many reasons I moved to Southwest Florida as an adult and lived there for 15 1/2 years.  While it did get cold on occasion, for the most part I was able to wear flip flops and tank tops for much of the year.  I left winter far behind and barely gave it any thought, and I liked it that way.  I loved that on some winter days I was wearing shorts while old man winter was wreaking cold and havoc in other parts of the country.

I associated the cold and snow with winter and lost sight of the symbolism of this much needed season.  That is, until I moved to a small town in Northeastern Tennessee last August.  As winter approached, and my dread of the coming snow crept in, so did the meanings and symbolism associated with this season I had come to despise.  I remember the first real snow we had after I moved here, everyone else was so excited to see snow while I was very humbug about it.

One morning I woke up, as I often do, before anyone else, and came out into the garage and looked out the window to see snow.  Everything was covered in it and it was still snowing.  I sat here thinking about how I didn't like it and I didn't want it and I wished it would go away.  But then I realized something, as the Universe whispered into my heart through the snowflakes drifting softly toward the ground, that I had moved to a part of the country that experienced winter, a place in which it got cold and in which it snowed.  I could either resist it and be miserable, or, I could practice acceptance and see what winter had come, in this very appropriate time in my life, to teach me.

The resistance eased up and I stepped outside.  I had forgotten how quiet and peaceful it was outside when it snowed.  I opened my eyes to the beauty of it, I stood in it, arms outstretched, head tilted toward the sky, and caught a snowflake on my tongue like I did when I was a child.  I built a mini snowman in it, I enjoyed it.  Now, that doesn't mean I'm in love with the snow because I'm not.  I have full intentions of becoming a snow bird once my son grows up, and spending the majority of my winters in a much warmer climate.  However, I am able to see the beauty in it and appreciate it in a way I had lost sight of.

Winter isn't just about snow and cold and ice, although it certainly felt like that this year especially.  Winter is a necessary part of the cycle of Mother Earth and Mother Nature.  When I think about the symbolism of winter I think of how things die off and go back into the ground to become nourishment for new life, and I think of hibernation.

There was a great deal of change for me last year, the abrupt ending of a relationship that I thought was lasting, leaving my job, and moving from Florida to Tennessee, just to name some big ones.  All of those changes brought emotions that required me to sit with them, and I wasn't necessarily great about doing that.  With those changes, as with all change, comes letting go, letting things die away and open up space for new experiences to sprout and grow.

While I have done an incredible amount of healing work, there is still much to be done and part of what needed to be done, and some that still needs to be done, is letting go and letting things die away.  Sometimes things die away and we cling to them.  It's interesting because they are no longer there, there is nothing left to cling to but the holographic distant memories of what was.  Sometimes it's a relationship, sometimes it's a resentment, sometimes it's a person and although those situations are no longer present, emotions left unfelt and unprocessed tie us to the past causing us to be dragged by the present moment, sometimes kicking and screaming.

There was much for me to heal this winter, much for me to dig up as I found myself in layers so deep I didn't even know they existed.  I barely had a shovel long enough to get down into those spaces but they needed tending so I found a way to reach them.  This is when the hibernation came into play for me because I dug into the layers, brought up a lot of ancient wounding and outdated energy patterns that no longer serve me and then, I had to just sit with them.  And it was more than sitting with them.  I had to crawl into the dark den and sleep, curled up with them, up close and personal, and allow my Soul and my energy to play it out.  Part of that process was writing in my journal, part of it was pacing around and talking to myself, and part of the process was allowing large amounts of anger to come up and examining why I was so angry.  And it was exactly what I needed.

Winter has taught me so much this year and for that I have a newfound respect and appreciation for it.  Don't get me wrong, I still don't like the cold.  I still miss my tank tops and my flip flops.  But I'm okay with Winter now.  I have a greater understanding of the symbolism of it and the need of it, not only in Nature but in our lives.

I'm not sure where life will take me next, if I'll be required to go through the process of another Winter or not, all I do know is that I am loving the birth of Spring.  I'm loving the warmer weather, the buds on the trees, the flowers, all of it.  I love the symbolism of Spring, new projects, the energy of rebirth and renewal...it's awe inspiring.  I am open to the blossoming opportunities of this Spring season and grateful for the Winter that chilled me while helping me to heal.

With love and light,
Tia