Day 11: Feeling frustrated and cranky

Some tiny pretty flowers in my yard that make me smile

On this Day 11 of my participation in Effy Wild's April Blog Along, I am feeling frustrated and cranky.  I didn't start the day out feeling that way, even though I was tired.  But as dinner time approached those feelings started to feel settle in.  I imagine it's because I had so little sleep last night, and the night before, and the night before.  I was actually working on something last night but the previous nights, there was reason to be up so late.  I've noticed that for the past week or more I have been staying up way beyond my bed time and today the effects settled in.  I kept reminding myself that happiness is a choice.  I reminded myself that the frustration is here for a reason and I tried my best to lean into and accept it instead of pushing it away.  I sent love and light to myself and any person and situation I was getting irritated with.  But still the frustration and exhaustion prevailed.  And I'm okay with that.  Sometimes I need to be in these spaces and as long as I don't cling to being in these spaces, it's okay.

I did notice that my energy is more sensitive than usual when I am feeling this way.  Have you ever been around someone whose energy shoots out at you, especially when they are in a good mood?  They are happy and hyper and their energy imposes on you as it oversteps your energetic boundaries.  It's difficult to describe how that feels.  It's a type of energetic sensory overload and it's painful but not in the same way that physical pain is.  I feel that way sometimes when there are too many people at the grocery store.  There is too much energy there and I feel it and it creeps up on me and pains me and causes me to feel a bit claustrophobic.  That's one of the reasons I need so much time to myself.  I need quiet time to contemplate, read, write, recharge and to be away from the sensory and energetic effects of other people.  I know it's a blessing and I am grateful for it but sometimes it is too much and I need to retreat.

I was definitely feeling that way tonight, wanting to go to my space and be alone, away from it all.  But there was dinner and dinner clean up and things to do for other people.  When I finally came downstairs to my basement bedroom, I felt a sigh of relief gently leave my body.  I went outside and sat on the steps outside of my door, far away from people, and just looked up at the beauty of the waxing moon.  It's cloudy here tonight and some of the clouds are hazy so the ring around the moon looked to big, and the light of the ring mixed with the clouds was beautiful, peaceful, exactly what I needed.

That's all for me tonight, this tired girl needs to get some rest.

May you be blessed with love and light,
tia