Saturday, September 29, 2012

Sometimes I have moments (a creative free writing assignment)

While it is my intention to be inspired by every moment of my life to create who and what I wish to be in relationship to it, sometimes that moment of inspiration does not come until later.  Sometimes, as things come and they are processed, there is a gap between the moment and the inspiration.

The other day my truck had some trouble and I almost didn't make it to work.  I did make it and for that I am grateful.  Then, I almost didn't make it home.  Once again, I did make it home and am grateful for that.  It was a bit of a rough time.  My truck was having serious issues to the point that I was driving down my road at 15 mph because that is as fast as it would go without potentially blowing up the engine.  I need my truck to get back and forth to work and do not currently have the funds to fix what ails it.  In the midst of trying to figure that out I opened my mail to a shut off notice from the electric company.  I kept moving forward.  I spoke to my son's father, who is a mechanic, and he walked me through a process of spraying grease up into my transmission (to put it simply).  I have a Kia Sportage, which sits fairly low to the ground, so there isn't much space underneath and having truck parts that close to my face, and my body, gave me a bit of anxiety. As I crawled under my truck to take pictures, crawled under the other side to take another pic, crawled back under for more pics, thought about my finances and my electric bill...let's just say I could feel the weight slowly building.  I crawled out from underneath my truck and hung my head and said a prayer of surrender.  I let go of it, to the best of my ability, so that it can work itself out without my attachment to it.

And later that night, after my truck was okay for the moment, and I was back home and had a chance to process the events of the day, I remembered to be inspired by it to create who and what I wish to be in relationship to it.  And the next day I remembered to be grateful for it.  I really do see life as full of opportunities, even when those opportunities appear to be disguised as problems.  After processing I remember that each moment is perfect and that Spirit and my Higher Self are always guiding me to my Highest Good because it is my intent to be guided as such.

I often hear spiritual and personal growth thought leaders talk about becoming one with the moment and flowing with it and I absolutely agree with on.  Yet, on the spiritual path, on my way to remembering most of the time to be inspired by the moment, on my way to remembering most of the time to accept each moment and become one with it, on my way to remembering to stay present and breath, I have those moments in which it all starts to weigh on me and I hang my head.  It doesn't happen often but once in a while it does happen and those are the moments I don't hear about.  The moments in which it is okay to feel heavy, not to attach to that heaviness and get stuck in it, but to feel it and acknowledge the feeling of it.  Sometimes that is all a feeling needs, to be recognized, to be voiced, to be heard, so that it can be processed, healed and let go.  I have learned the hard way that not recognizing those feelings is detrimental to one's health in so many ways.

It is so important to acknowledge the moment, to see it, accept it, and allow it to be what it is.  Again, it is not beneficial to attach to the moment and the makings of it because then there is the danger of staying stuck in it and allowing it to become part of your identity.  Once the moment is allowed to be what it is then I can flow into deciding who and what I wish to be in relationship to it.  And really, that makes sense because, after all, how can you decide what you wish to be in relationship to a moment that you refuse to see, be in or accept?  If you don't acknowledge the existence of the moment you forfeit your opportunity to create what you truly desire in it.

It's okay to have a moment, to hang your head, to pray, to surrender, to recreate.  Allow the moment, process it, heal it and let it go and then flow into it and be inspired by it.  You can be awe-struck by a moment or you can choose to allow the moment to strike you down,  it is always up to you.   

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