Day 30: Internet troubles

I've been working on my painting for hours, lost in the process, a little tired but not ready to stop the flow. I went to sit down to write up my blog post an hour ago and I had no internet :(  Luckily I do have it on my phone but it's a little time consuming and tedious to write up a long post on it.  So this will be short and sweet.

Aside from my painting I also finished my hand bound hand made journal for the class I'm taking and am excited to do the first weeks lesson in it.  I also cut and glued foam for a cushion for the pallet chair I made.

On the internal from I've been thinking a lot about empowerment today as I had a dream last night that I discussed it with someone.   I've also been thinking about my Dreams and where myself and my "Core Desired Feeling" (Danielle LaPorte) are within them.  More on all of that plus an updated picture of my painting in progress tomorrow.

May you be blessed with love and light,
tia

Day 29: Painting in progress

My painting in progress

For weeks I have felt the call to paint but I have ignored it, which has caused me to feel increasingly...icky, for lack of a better word.  True, I did work on and finish the journal page I posted the other day but that's not the kind of painting I have been called to do.  I have felt drawn to the canvas, I have even seen myself painting over and over in my mind.  Ignoring that call is resistance, and each time I ignored it the resistant energy built up more and more.  As I was walking down the driveway today, thinking about this, I decided that I was going to go inside and just paint because it is my desire to follow my Soul and I knew it would make me feel better to release that energy on to the canvas.  So that is exactly what I did.

I was inspired by a time lapsed YouTube video of Donna Downey painting from a couple of years ago.  This painting is definitely outside of my comfort zone but I am loving the process of it, just letting it flow and doing things in a way I haven't done them before.  It felt good to paint again and I didn't want to stop but there was a blog to do and meditation I'd like to do because I did not take the time to meditate this morning.

I also spent some time today getting my paper and cover ready to bind a journal for Effy Wild's Book of Days class that I am taking.  It has been what feels like a long time since I have made and bound my own journal so I am very excited for that project.  I got as far as putting my signatures together and picking out my cover material and then I couldn't find my waxed linen thread, which I really wanted to use, and I also wanted to paint so I set it aside.  I think I am just going to use Hemp cord for my binding thread because that is what I have and can find.

Inspiration definitely started to flow as I was painting today and there are a number of projects that have been wanting my attention that energy started to flow for again today.  And that feels really good.

May you be blessed with love and light,
tia

Day 28: Out of sorts

It's Day 28 in the land of Effy Wild's April Blog Along and I am feeling a little out of sorts this evening.  I was going to try to write through it, as I had something planned to write about but, to be perfectly honest, I am just not feeling it today.  So, instead of forcing it, the resulting energy of which would not feel good to anyone, I am going to leave it at, "this is all she wrote."

One more thing, aside from my wonkiness this evening I am actually SUPER excited because I signed up for Effy Wild's Book of Days Premium today!  It was a belated Happy Birthday to me gift purchased with a gift card that my mom had gotten me for my birthday at the end of March.  It was an empowering decision to make actually.  And the class is very much in alignment with my wanting to establish an art journaling practice, as a spiritual practice which is something I've written about in my journal more than once over the past few months.  I'll write more tomorrow about why that was an empowering choice for me and how it was right in line with my core desired feelings (Danielle LaPorte's The Desire Map) for tomorrows blog.

That's all for now.

May you be blessed with love and light,
tia

Day 27: A quick afternoon trip

Today was a beautiful Spring afternoon, nice and warm with a gentle breeze that was just the right temperature.  My son's father has been to Asheville, NC a couple of times and has said that everytime he goes there that city has my name written all over it.  Since I only live 1 1/2 hours away, and I have been wanting to go check it out anyway, I decided to take a little afternoon trip there.

Because I only have a Michael's here and I miss my A.C. Moore and JoAnn Fabrics, the first thing I do when I am going to a new town is see if either of those stores are there.  I was super excited to see that both of those stores are there.  I was easily side tracked today and left way later than I wanted to so I decided to only go to JoAnn's so that I would have time to see downtown, which was my main reason for going.  Is it sad that I was so happy to be in a JoAnn Fabrics again?  The smell of the store, all of the beautiful fabrics and threads, stamps and papers...it was a beautiful thing.

On to downtown and I absolutely LOVED it there.  I wish I had gone on a Saturday and had left earlier in the day because there were stores that were closed and SO much to see.  There were so many great unique little stores, book stores, restaurants and an art gallery.  That was probably my favorite part, fun, unique, beautiful and sometimes quirky art work, it was so inspiring!  And there was this cute hippie type skirt that I fell in love with and am inspired to do my own twist on.

I loved the energy of the downtown area, the people, the stores, the everything!  It was a fantastic little trip and I am looking forward to going back again soon.

Day 26: She's finally done!

Just a little bit of art today.  After many days and much work she is finally finished.  It was a bit of a rough road with this one.  At one point I hated the background and I almost walked away from it and, while I've had those moments of dislike with art before, I've always just stayed with it.  Thanks to Effy Wild's paint over "Wildly Inspired" Episode, which I just so happened to be watching when I got to that walk away point, I decided to go back and paint over most of the background.  I'm so glad I did as I really like the way it turned out.

I hadn't planned on the Easter type theme, it just flowed forth and I followed it.  At the last minute the eggs called for Runes to be placed on them.  It speaks to me of Spirit, Spring, Renewal, Rebirth.

The more I look at her the more I think I like her.

May you be blessed with love and light,
tia

Day 25: Rain and resistance and letting go, oh my

It rained off and on today.  One moment it was pouring down rain, I came out of a store and the sun was shining and it was warm, I came out of another store and it was raining again.  I do love the rain, the smell and the sound and the feel of it.  I think though, that it relaxes me a little too much, to the point of not wanting to do anything.  Combine that with the big ball of resistance I allowed myself to be today and that meant me not getting much accomplished.  I felt like I was doing more avoiding and wandering than anything.

I did to to deep places, thought about letting go and about everything that ties to the questions I shared yesterday, that I saw on the Adyashanti episode of "Super Soul Sunday."  I also thought about acceptance.  Adyashanti also talked about saying "yes" to each moment, even if the moment seems less than desirable, and I have been contemplating my relationship to that.

That is where I have spent a lot of my time today and while the big ball of resistance was with me, I actually listened to it and learned something.  Intellectually I have let go over and over and over again because it is my intent to heal and not carry and drag things along with me.  But today resistance showed me that, while I have made that choice intellectually, I have not made it wholeheartedly and I am still holding on by my pinky.  On one hand it seems silly to do that because I know the choice boils down to letting go and having peace or holding on and suffering.  On the other hand I also know that knowing something on an intellectual level is just one step in the process as there is a journey that it needs to take from my head to my heart so that it can be rooted there.  And while I know the benefits of letting go, I have written about them and it is one of the many things I help people with, I also know that having trouble letting go usually means there are emotions tied to the event that have not been felt.  So it is back to the drawing board with that because, for it to take that trip from head to heart and root itself there, the path needs to be clear of the hurt and pain and whatever other emotions are hanging out there.  And today I am also wondering if another reason for the resistance is that letting go makes it..real and permanent.  I know that that is a trick of the mind as it already is real and what I cling to by just my pinky right now, is already gone.  It no longer exists.  So I understand, I get it.  And I know exactly what I would advise a client to do, how I would help them find the gift of empowerment in letting go.  Taking my own advice would be beneficial here and I plan on doing that.

For right now I think I need to paint and create and art the sh*t out of it.  To let it flow from my body, down through my paintbrush, or my favorite painting tools which are my hands, and onto the canvas or in my Art Journal.  I need to open to it and listen to what it has to tell me about myself, my patterns, my life and let it do what emotions are meant to do as they are merely energy in motion and just want to be felt and released.

May you be blessed with light and love,
tia

 

Day 24: Sitting with things

I'm sitting with some things tonight after watching the "Super Soul Sunday" episode with Adyashanti this evening.  Profoundly beautiful.  I always love when I hear teachings that I already knew in a different way that makes me see that I forgot to apply something I knew to certain area of my life.

Adyashanti posed some questions that really made me stop and think about things.  He asked the following, "Since the past isn't here now, how is it that I'm keeping it alive?" and  "How am I sustaining that trauma?" and "How am I traumatizing myself?" and "How am I continuing it?"  To me this speaks of the story of the wound.  I've talked about the effects of holding on to our stories, I've written about it, I've dug into how I might be holding on to my stories but when he asked these questions it really got me thinking about the past year and a half and how I am holding on to a couple of stories, traumatizing myself with them, continuing them.  I could say I should have known better but then I would be "shoulding" all over myself and I try not to do that.

All of these things started coming up and my mind zipped to a number of places, good, deep places that need the light of healing.  I'm in a strange place right now with all of it in which I am pondering it all, understanding some, reflecting on all of it and resisting it all at the same time.

So much of what he said in that show resonated with me, inspired me, moved me and brought me back into the core of remaining wounds.  I am grateful for that as it is my intent to heal those spaces and the only way to heal them is to go deep into them.

So right now I am sifting through it all while doing my best to walk through the resistance, which took me to the TV and a bowl of popcorn and I could've stayed in front of the TV longer but I was determined to walk through it.  Like I said, strange place.  Not a bad place at all because I know I heard exactly what I needed to hear today and it is taking me exactly where I need to be.

May you be blessed with love and light,
tia