As much as I walk my talk, there are times when I forget to practice the principles I usually live by. There are times when I am still hard on myself. And there are times when I forget to allow what is to just be. Sometimes I need reminders that it is okay to be where I am at, to feel how I feel, and to allow others to be in the space in which they are and feel how they feel. When speaking with a client I encourage them to feel what they are feeling as well as to allow themselves to be wherever they are. While I try to remind people of that, luckily, the Universe is reminding me of the same thing.
Today my son was extremely disappointed about something. The something does not matter as much as how I reacted to it. As he ranted and raved on the phone to me about it, not at me just to me, I did not react, I just let him have his moment. When I got home he was in a mood for sure and I tried to do everything in my power to brighten him up and make him laugh. It worked for a little while, until he was hit with another disappointment and it started all over again. He was blaming and cursing the Universe and proclaiming it to be one of the worst days of his life. The energy of it overwhelmed me, because I allowed it to, and I had enough. I proceeded to tell him that it was okay to be disappointed but his energy was searching for other things to be disappointed about. If he felt the disappointment and released it, and opened himself to seeing the gifts, opportunities and blessings in it, they would be shown to him. I said a number of other things to him, including that I didn't even feel like being in the space because I couldn't take the energy of it. While my intent was to guide and help him, in my reaction instead of response, I was not doing either. And as I walked out to my lanai and sat down, the reflective surface of my life opened up and showed me myself.
I was wanting him to be somewhere he could not be from where he was at. I was wanting him to hurry up and get through the disappointment and see the good in it. I was not allowing him to be in the space he needed to be in for his own growth and his own Highest Good. I was reminded, as I sat there on the couch on my lanai, breathing in the cool November air, that I can not make him be in a place that he is not. It is not my job to force him to be somewhere other than where he is. It is my job to guide him while still allowing him to be in whatever space he needs to be in. It was a reflection of myself, gently sent to me by Divine Intelligence, that I have been doing the same thing to myself. As I have written a few times, I am in this intense stage of growth and transformation that is less than comfortable at times. Just the other day I wrote about the "in-between" place and how it is really just impatience. But what I did not see was that I was getting impatient with myself, not with the process. I was wanting myself to be "over" all of it and move on. I was wanting myself to be in a space that I am not quite able to be in yet. I was not allowing myself to be where I am, to grow as I am growing, to transform as I am transforming, and to feel what I am feeling through the process.
In my not allowing, I have instead been resisting. The serenity prayer asks, "...grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference..." I think there is an important piece missing and that is the serenity to accept ALL things first, and then continue on with the rest. It is important for me to accept and allow things to be as they are first, otherwise I try changing things I have not even accepted yet. It is simply a form of resistance. This is what is. Take a moment and breathe into it and allow it to be what is and accept it as it is. In that moment, in that breath, in the allowing and the accepting, my perception opens up to the guidance that has been there the whole time. Then I can draw on the courage and strength flowing through me and see the solutions and what can be changed and what cannot. Otherwise I throw up the block of resistance and search for ways to change it and, essentially, fight it. That is how it works for me.
I saw so much in the reflective surface of my life after that moment with my son and it had to sit and swirl and dance around inside of me before I gained the insights needed to be able to fully process it. I have been co-creating but I have not been allowing the opportunities of my co-creations in. I have been "trying" to accept certain situations, but I have been resisting them by not allowing the people involved, including myself, the time and space needed to process what they and I are going through. I have been restless and wanting to move forward and all the while, the road opened up but I was still standing there, motionless, just gazing out at the space because I was "stuck" in resistance and could not see that it had opened. I received significant Divine Guidance this morning that piggy backed on the moment with my son last night. I received the message that movement is in order now. And I could not have seen that sign if I had not seen the reflective surface last night. I had to see that I have not been allowing so that I could release the resistance and allow what is next, what I have been transforming for, into my life.
Everything I have been writing about lately has been a message from my Soul, Divine Intelligence, and Life for me. Moments I sent myself as reminders of Who I Really Am. They are also messages for anyone else who might see themselves intertwined within the words. In this way, along with others, I am able to be of service to myself and others. As I think back about what I have been writing, it unfolds magnificently for me in transformation, in gratitude, in letting go and letting things end, in allowing it all to be, in allowing myself to be and in allowing it all into my life as I have co-created it.
So I will take the message of movement today (from Colette Baron Reid's Oracle cards), which says, "...you can't remain where you are anymore...you will see your dreams take form and doors previously shut begin to open as if by magic...This isn't the time of fear. Let it go and move forward." So I say, feel the fear and do it anyway. Action in the form of forward motion is where I am at, until guided otherwise.
With love and light,