If you missed Part 1, you can find it at the following link: Day 12: Part 1: The Universe and my Soul change my blog plans.
As I said yesterday, when I was digging into what I am afraid of that has me seemingly paralyzed and not taking any forward steps, the answer that came was, "that everything will change." That actually surprised me because I want everything to change. I don't want to be the same person in a month that I am today. I want to grow and transform, blossom and fly and for me to do that, everything has to change. And I thought I was okay with that.
I know it's common to fear failure but honestly, I am not afraid of that. Of course, that didn't happen overnight. I have done a great deal of inner work and digging and healing to come to this place. I'm in a place right now in which I know, just as I know my name, that if I take those forward action steps people will show up that are looking for my products and services. I feel it so strongly and pushing against where I know I am supposed to be is causing major discomfort. I know that once I start taking those steps, the Universe will start taking more steps toward me than I can comprehend. I know that all I have to do is have the courage to start. Yet my Soul is whispering to me that what I am afraid of is everything changing and I realize it's that everything will change for the better.
Yet, I wouldn't necessarily classify it as fear of success. To me, success is using my unique creative talents and abilities to be of service to myself and others. It's living fully in my truth, deeply connected to myself and my Soul. It's allowing myself to feel the joys in my life and experience all of the blessings life has to offer. Want to hear something funny? I just realized it really is fear of success. Here's what I figured out. For more people than just me, life can be an up and down process. For me it seems to have been, doing well, pulling back, doing well, pulling back, and so forth. And it's more than taking a few steps forward and one step back. As I started to look at this pattern what I realized was that, as a child, we'd get out of the chaos, we'd go back, we'd get out again, we'd go back, there would be peace, the peace would be shattered. And there is no blame here. It's an energy pattern that I clung to and used to make sense of my world as a child. Something told me that there was a connection here. As Dr. Darren Wiessman talks about in his books, if you wouldn't consciously choose to live out a pattern then it is subconscious. This pattern lives deep within my energy and the good news it, it can be rooted out.
Perhaps I am afraid because when things are going well, something always seems to happen to shake it up. And just as I typed that I realized that perhaps it is the way I am interpreting the events that shake things up. I have done much work around many of those events in my past but perhaps I have not fully integrated my new perception of them into my awareness. I am grateful for the majority of my past and see how events needed to happen to bring me to this place I am in and to help me uncover the truth of Who I Really Am. I haven't healed everything, I am, after all, an eternal work in progress. But my point is that, if I view things differently now and integrate that updated view into my energy, then this pattern can be changed. The fact is, I am not a small helpless child feeling unsafe and unsure. I am a grown woman and I can make choices now that are empowering.
Things are going to change. If I fear the blessing that are coming my way, that fear will create exactly what I am afraid of. That is not what I want for my life anymore. So I acknowledge and accept the fear. I remind myself that I am not a child anymore. I remind myself that I can choose how to proceed forward or I can choose to remain stuck. Things are going to change whether I take forward steps or not but how they will change is determined by my courage to follow the direction my Soul is leading me. It's my choice. I can continue to be afraid that I when things are going well I will eventually get a shattering curve ball, or I can remember that, even if something hurts, I always get through it and I always come to a place of viewing it as in the interest of my Highest Good. Sometimes that takes some time as there is something lingering out there that I have yet to see that way. But I know it to be true, it just hasn't taken the journey from my head to my heart yet.
Today I am feeling empowered and I will share the ah-ha moment that brought it together in another post. For now am I asking myself over and over, what forward steps can I take, no matter how small, to show my Dream, my Soul, the Universe, that my purpose is important, my Dreams are important and I AM IMPORTANT. I'm digging deep. I am determined. It is my time to shine. And yes, that scares me. And yes, I am going to find a way to do it anyway.
May you be blessed with love and light,
This post is part of my participation in Effy Wild's April Blog Along